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But now I am. Really angry. And I don’t know how to deal with it because I haven’t dealt with it in so long.
Someone stop me from doing crazy things I’ll regret later, please.
So ready to punch someone in the face.
Sorry all, I’m just in a ranting mood.
Don’t you hate when someone you’ve recently become friends with decides to go make things awkward. They spring sudden revelations and thoughts on you or they show a side of themselves you’d never expected. And it messes up everything. Even if you want to go back to liking them, you can’t. These are the people I can’t trust any more. The ones I used to want to spend time with and now make me uncomfortable with their mere presence. And I try. They try. We try together to have a semblance of normalcy. But the truth of the matter is that when a relationship has progressed to a certain point, there is no going back. You can’t change what has happened. And now, expressing discontent with the past only makes the present harder to bear with heavy thoughts of how things could have been different. But they’re not different, they are the way they are now and the sooner I accept it, the better off I’ll be, and sooner as well.
God give me strength to carry on when my heart falters. And give me strength to let the elixir seep away from my heart when it becomes poisonous.
This academic year has been one strike after another. And I am ready for it to end. I give up on having fun OR finding stability because no matter what I look for, everything. gets. fucked. up. Solo is the best way to fly.
Adam
Dan
Ricky
If the question you’re asking is very personal or inappropriate or regarding something that I don’t publicly discuss on my blog, why would I suddenly choose to publish YOUR particular question on my blog just to answer it. Come on now, just stop with the gray faces and you might just get some answers.
long story to explain later.
but.
need to rant.
JSKLDGDKLGS GDLGJLSJG KDSLGJSDJGSD GJSD G
FUCK TALL ATTRACTIVE MEN WHO ARE DICKS = basis of the soon to come rant.
and I don’t like it. Every time I finish a meal and a friend tells me “wow, you ate a lot!” I feel disgusting. It’s easier to just not eat and ignore the cravings than to eat and worry about how it’ll affect my body. I know I’m thin, I’m just afraid I won’t stay that way. My friends say I’m anorexic, but I know I’m not. I don’t stop myself from eating to make myself thinner, I don’t eat so I stay the way I am. There are healthier ways to be thin, but this is easier, and frankly, I’m lazy.
Recently I’ve started eating more and more and I’m afraid it’ll become a habit and I need to slow it down and control it.
Everything is about control.
This show is the most ridiculous, outrageous, nonsensical show I have ever watched. And I love it.
Thanks to everyone who was with me for the amazing past four days.
I’ll tell y’all tumblr peeps about it latahh
If you’ve seen smoke rise in the most elegant of swirls and gentle of curves, you’d know how he entered my life. Dispersing through me until every pore became alive with the knowledge of his presence. It was an intoxication. A heady flooding of feelings crashing down any dams that had been resurrected in my mind. He did not pause to feel, he just felt, and he spoke as if there would be no tomorrow. He made me believe that I could never get happier than I was in the moments when he said he loved me. That the smile across my face would never be quite as wide hearing praise from anyone else. My blush would not be nearly as deep having someone else whisper those words into my mind that left nerves tingling.
For him, I would always hope. Wait, hope, dream. For him I would lie awake at night wishing for what I knew could never be but could not stop myself from wanting. I cared. Too much perhaps for an impossible dream. But no one ever told me that I couldn’t dream. So I dreamt. Night and day, under the stars and the sun, they were all the same to me. I would dream until he returned yet even then my reality could not measure up to my imagination. The times when he spoke to me were the closest I could get to what I longed for. His words only raised my appetite for more. Thoughts of him raced faster and faster through me until I was consumed. I was on fire.
Then, when he left, it burned. The fire began to hurt, not only warm. He was no longer there to slake my thirst from the heat he had left behind in me. The fire died down slowly. What it left behind was hard like cooled molten lava. I had cracks in me where lingering pain oozed out of every once in awhile. The rocky exterior was another shell. Another protective barrier against letting anyone in. Because no one wants to be burned again. But he knows just the ways to chip away at the hardness he left behind. My soft spots and weaknesses and desires. He could be the one to burn me again, and I wouldn’t even mind.
I have to study i mean sex
I mean what, no, chemistry, chemistry of sex that is
No that’s not what I meant, like book reading,
let’s read the Kama Sutra
NO STOP IT BRAIN
NO YOU STOP IT SEX DRIVE
FUCK YOU
FUCK ME
shit. someone help.
